As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
