thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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