he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
