Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
