my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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