I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
