i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
