I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
