Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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