nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
