you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
