something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
