so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
