2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
pop tarts are not kleenex
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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