He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
