I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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