She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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