I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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