She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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