I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
