Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
