i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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