I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
