we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
