Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
