i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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