we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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