pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
