Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
