But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
