this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
