i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
