last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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