Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
