White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
