I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They have beer where we have blood.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
