I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
