xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
