im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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