i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
