u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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