Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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