OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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