let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
