Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
