he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
