If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
