last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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