u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
