Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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