This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
