Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
