dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
