This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
