Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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