As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
