Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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