he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
