well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
