So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
