We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
