Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
