I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
