I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
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Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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