I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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