There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
