I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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