how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
