i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
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I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
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Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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