Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize