life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
