How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize