I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
