remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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