He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
my poor anus
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.