She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed