Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door