Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.