I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high