I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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